I am really struggling today, I woke up with only 10 spoons. Far fewer than the 14 or 15 I usually have. I slept poorly but more than that my period is late. “Ew! Gross, irrelevant and over-sharing!” I hear you cry but wait, please, let me explain…
I don’t fully understand how or why this happens but every month I experience this same effect; the changes in my hormones in the days prior to my period have a profound impact on my energy levels and M.E. symptom…s. On a few days this can mean the difference between being able to get out of bed and being bed bound. (I don’t know if other women with M.E. experience this, it would be interesting to know).
Today, every move has felt like I’m trying to climb a mountain. I used a spoon to drag myself out of bed and drive Mr M.E. to work, thinking it would help me wake up but by the time I got back I felt spaced out and sick. I spent half a spoon making and eating breakfast and then after a long rest I spent 3 spoons showering, washing my hair and getting dried and dressed.
After that I was exhausted and with only five and half spoons left for the rest of the day, it was only 11.30 am. Another long rest later I had some lunch and looked at my friend’s CV (to give him feedback). If he wanted a redraft or proper notes I said it would have to wait until tomorrow because I now only had three and half spoons left and it wasn’t even 2pm yet.
I used another spoon to do the daily cage clean for Basil and Bertie and yet another to go to my relaxation therapy. So here we are at 5pm and I’ve got one and a half spoons left. One to make a very simple dinner for Mr M.E. and I (and eat it) and a half to write this little post.
To many people today would seem like a quiet day, spent mostly at home, doing not very much but I have squeezed every last ounce of willpower and energy out of myself not to give in and go back to bed.
Around a third of my days are like this for one reason or other, today it is hormones but next week it may be pain. To me staying up and dressed, doing my baseline, feels like I won. I beat you today M.E., I beat you.